When you need a cage for a small, terrified child, remember the name

Jenna Beverly

Hey, America. Jenna Beverly heard you had a problem. There are too many children running around, living their lives, trying to grow into free adults. Sounds exhausting.

Lucky for you, Jenna Beverly has the solution: Jenna Beverly Child Cages™, the latest innovation in state-sponsored hospitality!

PRISON

Steel Construction

Because you know how rambunctious kids can be.

WALL

Climate Control (Kinda)

Experience the full range of desert-to-freezer conditions!

DOOR

Space-Efficient Design

Who needs personal space? Not kids! They’re tiny!

RELEASE

Escape-Resistant

Like a roach motel, but with government funding!

Introducing: The 14th Amendment Buster™

Because Birth Rights Are a Maybe, Not a Guarantee!

Tired of pesky legal loopholes like “due process” and “equal protection under the law”? We got you. The 14th Amendment Buster™ is the newest, most advanced model in state-of-the-art containment solutions, ensuring that any child who steps out of line stays in line. Literally. In a cage.

Premium Features:

  • Constitution-Proof Design™ – Crafted from the finest legal gray areas, this model is guaranteed to hold individuals indefinitely without all that annoying “fair trial” nonsense.
  • Stackable Holding Cells – Because nothing screams “land of opportunity” like maximizing efficiency in human storage! Now with 20% more detainees per square foot.
  • Patriot-Proof™ Visibility – Solid steel on the back, plexiglass on the front, so reporters can only see what we want them to see. Now available with an optional “look-the-other-way” privacy screen.
  • Self-Deportation Mode™ – Featuring cutting-edge psychological distress technology that makes staying in your home country look like a luxury vacation.
  • “No Citizenship, No Problem” Warranty – The 14th Amendment Buster™ operates on a simple principle: If you can’t prove you belong here fast enough, we’ll prove you don’t.

🚨 Order now and receive a complimentary set of taxpayer-funded zip ties! 🚨

The 14th Amendment Buster™—because America’s legal system doesn’t matter if you’re in a cage.

Why Upgrade to the 14th Amendment Buster™?

The older models were too soft—people started asking questions, politicians had to pretend they cared, and human rights groups got all up in arms (yawn). But the 14th Amendment Buster™ fixes all that. It’s sleeker, meaner, and legally ambiguous enough to keep everyone just confused enough to let it happen.

Jenna Beverly’s Best Seller:
The Extraordinary Rendition™

Because “innocent until proven guilty” is just a suggestion.

Ever wished you could just… make a child disappear? Well, good news! The Extraordinary Rendition™ is here, the ultimate in long-term, no-questions-asked child storage solutions for when that little someone might be a problem—now, or maybe someday in the future. Why wait for evidence when you can skip straight to the punishment?

Features & Benefits:

Rights-Free Living™ – The best part about the Extraordinary Rendition™ is that once they’re in, they don’t have rights anymore! We stripped those away at the border, in a courtroom, or just whenever it seemed convenient.

Potentially a Forever Home – Because without pesky things like charges, trials, or oversight, this high-quality enclosure could be their forever home. (Who needs parole when you’ve never even been convicted?)

Deportation Schrödinger’s Box – Is this child being sent to a country they’ve never been to? Or will they stay locked up indefinitely while a bureaucrat shrugs? Nobody knows! That’s the fun!

 

Portable and Globally Recognized – Designed with international shipping in mind, the Extraordinary Rendition™ comes in a discreet, aircraft-compatible size—perfect for when a child needs to go away but no one wants to ask where to.

No Paperwork? No Problem! – Built on a foundation of vague accusations and national security buzzwords, this model doesn’t require actual charges or legal justification. Just a wink from a government agency and poof!—problem solved.

Black Site Compatible – Whether it’s a basement in Eastern Europe, a military base in the desert, or a boat in international waters, the Extraordinary Rendition™ fits right in. Bonus: No pesky reporters asking questions!

Why Choose the Extraordinary Rendition™?

Because freedom is complicated—but locking people up forever? That’s easy! The Extraordinary Rendition™ ensures that anyone can be a somewhere else problem with no appeal, no trial, and no one to call.

🚨 Order now and get a FREE Noise-Canceling Hood™—because children are meant to be seen and not heard! 🚨

Don’t delay! Order your child cages today!

Children are fast, but not as fast as our qualified sales team of fascists. We’ll get you through the ordering process so you can quickly violate the Constitution.

Proudly manufactured in Athens, TX

Jenna Beverly Child Cages is a woman owned, black owned small business, and everything is made in the USA. But to be clear Jenna Beverly does not support DEI, or any other “woke” initiatives. She only supports the mass deportation and detainment of scared children.